Ghost Fired From Remote Job for ‘Being Too Transparent’”

“They said they valued transparency. They lied.” —disgruntled specter

Harold Casper (deceased 1987, employed 2025) has been let go from his remote software engineering position at TechFlow Solutions after management complained he was “taking the company values too literally.”

The Hire

Harold seemed like the perfect remote worker. He never complained about commute times, required no office space, and could work literally any hours since sleep is no longer a biological necessity.

“His resume was spotless,” explains former manager Janet Chen. “Well, actually it was semi-transparent, which should have been our first red flag.”

Harold’s Qualifications

15 years experience (3 alive, 12 dead)
Perfect attendance (nowhere else to be)
Extremely low overhead (no health insurance, no retirement plan, already dead)
Fluent in: Python, JavaScript, Spectral Communication
Hobbies: Haunting, debugging, existential dread

“I thought remote work would be perfect. I can work from anywhere! Literally. I once attended a standup meeting from inside the office walls.”

— Harold Casper, Former Senior Developer

The Problems Begin

Week 1: The Transparency Issue

The company’s core values prominently feature “radical transparency.” Harold took this seriously.

First Team Meeting:

Manager: “Harold, can you share your screen?”

Harold: “I can share… through the screen? Into the screen? I exist partially in all screens simultaneously now. This is my curse.”

Manager: ”…I’ll just reshare the presentation.”

Harold’s Slack status was permanently set to: “Here but not really”

Week 2: The Camera Situation

Company policy required cameras on during meetings. This created… complications.

Email from HR:

Harold,

We appreciate your compliance with our camera-on policy, however,
several team members have complained that your camera shows:

- An empty chair
- Sometimes a cold spot
- Occasionally the phrase "HELP ME" written in condensation
- One time, everyone's own reflection looking sad

Please adjust your camera settings.

Thanks,
HR

Week 3: The Benefits Package Incident

“Do you have dental insurance for ectoplasm damage?” Harold asked during a benefits review.

“We… what?”

“I phased through a wall and now I have drywall stuck in my form. Is that covered?”

It was not covered.

The Work Performance

Despite the supernatural complications, Harold was an exceptional developer.

Pull Request Comments:

Harold: “Fixed the bug. It was hiding in the void between the codebase and the astral plane. Also refactored the authentication system.”

Colleague: “Harold, did you mean you fixed the cache invalidation issue?”

Harold: “No, I literally found the bug in the void. It was eating our error logs. I’ve exorcised it.”

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Approved and merged

Standups Were… Interesting

Monday Standup:

Harold: “Yesterday I debugged the payment processing system by possessing the server. Today I plan to continue being dead while improving our CI/CD pipeline. Blockers: the existential meaninglessness of all endeavor.”

Manager: ”…Thanks, Harold. Anyone else?”

The Complaints Pile Up

Official HR Concerns:

“Ghosting” meetings (showing up but being invisible)
Going through people’s walls during privacy discussions
Haunting the codebase with comments from 3 AM
Scaring the CEO by appearing in his Zoom background uninvited
Being ‘too literal’ about company transparency

The Final Straw

During an all-hands meeting, the CEO said, “We need everyone to be more visible this quarter.”

Harold became extremely visible. As in, manifested physically for the first time in 38 years, floating in the center of the Zoom call, wailing about the futility of quarterly goals.

Three people quit. Four requested therapy. One joined Harold in his ethereal complaints.

The Termination Call

HR: “Harold, we need to discuss your performance.”

Harold: “Is this about the wailing? I can stop the wailing.”

HR: “It’s about… everything. You’re too transparent, you’re not transparent enough, you’re haunting the ticketing system—”

Harold: “I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIT IN.”

HR: “We’re going to have to let you go.”

Harold: “You can’t fire me. I’m already dead. What are you going to do, kill me again?”

HR: “We’ll revoke your Slack access.”

Harold: [Silent ethereal horror]

The Aftermath

Harold’s LinkedIn Post:

After 3 transformative months at TechFlow Solutions,
I'm excited to announce I'm haunting new opportunities.

Open to: Spectral Consulting, Paranormal Engineering,
Generally Being Spooky

Skills: React, Node.js, Passing Through Solid Objects,
Instilling Existential Dread

#OpenToWork #RemoteWork #LiterallyRemoteFromMortality

Engagement: 847 reactions (mostly 👻, some 😱)

Testimonials from Former Colleagues:

Sarah T. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Best developer I ever worked with. Really knew how to get to the root of problems, even when those problems existed in alternate dimensions.”

Mike R. ⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Harold’s code reviews were terrifying but accurate. He once pointed out a bug that wouldn’t manifest until 2087. How did he know? Because he’ll still be here then.”

Janet C. (Former Manager) ⭐⭐⭐ “Competent worker, but the moaning during sprint planning was disruptive.”

The Lawsuit

Harold is currently suing for wrongful termination, citing discrimination against the differently-alive.

His lawyer (also a ghost, from a 1920s law firm) argues:

“The Incorporeal Worker Protection Act of 2024 clearly states that employment decisions cannot be made based on physical state of being. My client’s translucent nature is a protected characteristic.”

TechFlow’s defense: “He literally haunted the CTO. That’s hostile work environment.”

The trial is scheduled for October 31st, naturally.

Tips for Hiring the Undead

If you’re considering hiring paranormal employees, HR experts recommend:

DO:

✅ Provide flexible “manifestation hours”
✅ Offer spectral-inclusive healthcare
✅ Accept that some absences are due to “being summoned”
✅ Have a clear policy on possessing office equipment

DON’T:

❌ Ask them to “liven up” presentations
❌ Expect them to eat at team lunches
❌ Schedule meetings during their haunting hours
❌ Use the phrase “drop dead gorgeous” (it’s insensitive)

Where is Harold Now?

Last seen: Haunting a WeWork, complaining about hot desk policies

Current project: Developing “GhostHub” - A collaboration platform for the deceased

Status: Still showing up in his former company’s Zoom backgrounds, watching silently

Update: TechFlow Solutions has issued a statement:

“We value diversity and inclusion of all employees, regardless of their corporeal status. We’re committed to creating a workplace where everyone—living or dead—can thrive. That said, Harold really needs to stop appearing in our conference rooms at 3 AM.”

This reporter attempted to interview Harold in person, but he kept phasing through our recording equipment. The interview was conducted via Ouija board. Two stars for technical difficulties.