Ancient Mummy Applies for Museum Job, Gets Rejected for Lack of Experience

“I AM the exhibit. How is that not relevant experience?”

Amenhotep III (died 1353 BCE, unemployed since 2025) has been rejected from 47 museum positions despite being, quote, “literally ancient Egyptian history.” The primary reason? Insufficient work experience.

The Job Search

After 3,400 years of rest, Amenhotep decided to re-enter the workforce.

“The eternal slumber thing was getting old,” he explains, dust falling from his wrappings. “I woke up in a museum storage room and thought, ‘I should work here.’ Turns out it’s harder than ruling Upper and Lower Egypt.”

The Resume

AMENHOTEP III Former Pharaoh | Current Historical Artifact

EXPERIENCE:

Pharaoh of Egypt (1391-1353 BCE)
- Managed 20 million subjects
- Oversaw construction of multiple temples
- Maintained peace for 38 years
- Revolutionized architectural standards
Museum Exhibit (1823-2025 CE)
- Primary attraction in Egyptian wing
- Educated millions of visitors
- Perfect attendance (literally couldn’t leave)
- Generated significant revenue through ticket sales

SKILLS:

Ancient Egyptian language (native)
Modern English (learned from museum tours)
Hieroglyphics (fluent)
Time management (mastered eternity)
Customer service (people stared at me for 200 years)

REFERENCES: Available upon request from the afterlife

The Interview Disaster

Metropolitan Museum of Art - Egyptology Curator Position

Interviewer: “Tell me about yourself.”

Amenhotep: “I am Amenhotep III, Lord of the Two Lands, Builder of Monuments—”

Interviewer: “Great! But what’s your relevant experience?”

Amenhotep: “I AM Egyptian history. I LIVED it. You have a statue of my wife in Gallery 126.”

Interviewer: “Yes, but do you have museum management experience?”

Amenhotep: “I managed an empire of—”

Interviewer: “In the museum sector specifically?”

Amenhotep: “I’ve been an exhibit for 200 years!”

Interviewer: “That’s not the same as employment. We’re looking for someone with at least 5 years of—”

Amenhotep: [Stands up, begins to leave]

Interviewer: “Where are you going?”

Amenhotep: “Back to my sarcophagus. This is pointless.”

Status: Position filled by recent graduate with 6 months internship

The Rejection Letters

Rejection #1: British Museum

Dear Mr. Hotep,

Thank you for your interest in the "Egyptian Antiquities Specialist" position.

While your background is impressive, we're seeking candidates with:
✗ Modern museum software proficiency
✗ Social media management experience
✗ Fluency in contemporary academic methodology

Your experience, while extensive, is outdated by approximately 3,400 years.

We'll keep your resume on file.

Best regards,
HR Department

Amenhotep’s response: “I’m literally IN your collection. I’m employee of the month in perpetuity.”

Rejection #2: Cairo Museum

Dear Amenhotep,

We appreciate your application for "Ancient Egypt Tour Guide."

Unfortunately, you lack:
- Required certifications
- Tourism license
- Ability to stay on script (you kept adding "and I built that" to tours)

Also, several visitors complained about you calling them peasants.

Better luck elsewhere.

Amenhotep’s response: “They WERE peasants. That’s objective fact.”

Rejection #3: Local Community College

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for applying to teach "Introduction to Ancient Egypt."

While you certainly have subject matter expertise, our requirements include:
- Bachelor's degree (minimum)
- Teaching certificate
- References from last 10 years

Your references from 1300 BCE cannot be verified.

Position filled.

Amenhotep’s response: “I invented the things they’re teaching. This is absurd.”

The LinkedIn Profile

After 12 rejections, Amenhotep created a LinkedIn profile.

Current Status: “Open to work” Headline: “Former Pharaoh | 3400+ years experience | Looking for opportunities in museum sector”

Skills & Endorsements:

Endorsed by 0 people:

Leadership (Divine mandate)
Architecture (Built temples still standing)
Public Speaking (Royal decrees)
Time Management (Ruled for 38 years)
Preservation (Self-mummification)

Recommendations:

None (Everyone he knows is dead)

InMail Messages:

Recruiter: “Hi! I see you have leadership experience. We’re looking for a Product Manager in fintech. Interested?”

Amenhotep: “I ruled an empire. I’m not managing your app.”

Recruiter: “Noted! We’ll keep you in mind for future opportunities!”

The Overqualification Problem

Interview at Small Historical Society

Interviewer: “I see you were a pharaoh.”

Amenhotep: “Yes.”

Interviewer: “We’re looking for someone to answer phones and give tours.”

Amenhotep: “I can do that.”

Interviewer: “Honestly? You’re overqualified. We can’t pay what someone with your background deserves.”

Amenhotep: “I’ve been unemployed for 3,400 years. I’ll take minimum wage.”

Interviewer: “You’d get bored within a week.”

Amenhotep: “I spent 200 years standing in a display case. I know boredom.”

Interviewer: “Sorry, we’re going with someone else.”

Status: Position given to 19-year-old history student

The Modern Workplace Challenges

Issue #1: Technology

Job Requirement: “Proficiency in Microsoft Office Suite”

Amenhotep’s Experience: Invented papyrus, pioneered written records

Hiring Manager: “Yes, but can you use Excel?”

Amenhotep: ”…What is Excel?”

Status: Application rejected

Issue #2: Dress Code

Interview Feedback: “Professional attire required”

Amenhotep’s Outfit: Ceremonial burial wrappings, golden amulets, linen bandages

Interviewer’s Note: “Candidate arrived inappropriately dressed. Appeared to be wrapped in toilet paper and claimed it was ‘royal linen.’”

Issue #3: The Gap in Employment

Every Interview:

Interviewer: “I see a significant gap in your employment history. 1353 BCE to 2025 CE. Can you explain?”

Amenhotep: “I was dead.”

Interviewer: “And what were you doing during that time?”

Amenhotep: ”…Being dead. And occasionally being studied by archaeologists.”

Interviewer: “So no professional development?”

Amenhotep: “I MAINTAINED MY PHYSICAL FORM FOR 34 CENTURIES. That’s dedication.”

The Gig Economy Attempt

Desperate for income, Amenhotep tried freelancing:

Task Rabbit - “Historical Consultation”

Rating: ⭐ (1.2 stars)

Reviews:

Jennifer M.: “Hired him to help with my kid’s Egypt project. He spent 2 hours complaining about historical inaccuracies in The Mummy (1999). One star.”

Mark T.: “Asked for help moving furniture. He refused, saying ‘I am divine royalty, not a laborer.’ Then he complained that I don’t have servants. Zero stars.”

Sarah K.: “Wanted authentic hieroglyphics translated. He translated them and then lectured me about improper veneration of the gods for 45 minutes. Never again.”

Uber Driver

Application Status: Rejected

Reason: “Mummy-wrapped hands cannot safely operate steering wheel”

Amenhotep’s Appeal: “I commanded 100,000 charioteers!”

Uber’s Response: “Sir, this is different.”

Cameo

Status: Active (finally accepted somewhere)

Price: $500 per video

Bookings: 2

Reviews:

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Hired him for my egyptology professor’s birthday. He was great! Although he did curse the professor’s research as ‘woefully incomplete.’ Professor loved it.”

⭐⭐ “Paid for a fun birthday message. Got a 10-minute rant about how Netflix’s Cleopatra documentary was wrong about everything. Accurate, but not what I asked for.”

The Unpaid Internship Offer

After 47 rejections, Amenhotep finally got an offer: unpaid internship at a small museum.

Position: Gallery Assistant Intern Pay: $0 Benefits: “Great learning opportunity!” Requirements: Bachelor’s degree, 2 years experience

Amenhotep’s Response:

Dear Hiring Manager,

I appreciate the offer but must decline.

I ruled an empire.
I built monuments that survived millennia.
I'm literally in your competitor's collection.

I will not work for free.

Regards,
Amenhotep III
Former Pharaoh, Current Job Seeker

The Breakthrough

Finally, one museum saw potential:

Natural History Museum - “Living History Interpreter”

Job Description: Dress in historical costume, educate visitors about ancient Egypt

Amenhotep: “I don’t need a costume. I AM ancient Egypt.”

Interviewer: “That’s… actually perfect. You’re hired.”

Pay: $18/hour

Amenhotep’s Thought: “I once owned all the gold in Egypt. Now I make $18/hour.”

First Day on the Job

9:00 AM - Orientation

HR: “Welcome! Let’s go over benefits. We offer health insurance—”

Amenhotep: “I’m already dead. What would I claim?”

HR: ”…Dental?”

Amenhotep: [Opens mouth revealing 3400-year-old teeth]

HR: “Moving on.”

11:00 AM - First Tour

Amenhotep: “Welcome! I am Amenhotep III, and I will be your guide to ancient Egypt.”

Tourist: “Cool costume! You really commit to the role!”

Amenhotep: “This is not a costume. These are my ACTUAL burial wrappings.”

Tourist: “Wow, method acting! Love it!”

Amenhotep: [Sighs in ancient Egyptian]

2:00 PM - Incident Report

Manager: “Amenhotep, we received a complaint.”

Amenhotep: “About what?”

Manager: “You told a child that King Tut was ‘a minor pharaoh who got too much attention.’”

Amenhotep: “That’s historically accurate.”

Manager: “The kid was wearing a King Tut t-shirt.”

Amenhotep: “Then the child should know the truth.”

Manager: “Please… just stick to the script.”

The Job Review

After 3 months:

Strengths:

✅ Authentic knowledge
✅ Never calls in sick
✅ Draws huge crowds

Areas for Improvement:

❌ Stop correcting the exhibit placards
❌ Don’t refer to visitors as “mortals”
❌ Stop ranking pharaohs during tours
❌ Cannot claim exhibits as “personal property”

Overall: 3.5/5 - “Satisfactory performance with room for modern adaptation”

Amenhotep is currently employed at the Natural History Museum, where he gives tours, complains about historical inaccuracies, and dreams of the days when people properly feared pharaohs.

Still Open to New Opportunities: Senior roles only. No internships.

This reporter interviewed Amenhotep during his lunch break. He doesn’t eat lunch. He spent the time critiquing the museum’s cafeteria mural for historical inaccuracies. Four stars for dedication to accuracy.